A World Free From the Throngs of Patriarchy

‘’In a world that is accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression’’ - Franklin Leonard

We all know that our society is deeply entangled in the webs of patriarchy. Patriarchy is so deep-seated and so normalized that most of us are oblivious of its existence. Patriarchy has far-reaching consequences, beyond the realms of our imagination, and once you wake up to it, you can barely go back to sleep! You realize that patriarchy has marked its territory everywhere and once that enlightenment hits you, you simply cannot ignore it.  Any attempts to diverge from the patriarchal norms is always seen as a threat by the society.

Image source: Canva.com

Have you ever wondered what a world without patriarchy would be like? I am sure you must have! Here’s my idea of a world that is free from the shackles of patriarchy.

1. Women wouldn’t be objectified.

Women’s body wouldn’t be sexualized to the point that they live in constant anxiety about someone violating their personal boundaries. A woman who chooses to move around in a pair of shorts wouldn’t be seen an attention seeker or having loose morals, but somebody who just likes to wear shorts. Women wouldn’t have to schedule their outings based on the times of the day and stay in the confines on their homes once dusk hits. 

2. Pati wouldn’t be Parmeshwar ( Husband wouldn’t be equated to God)

Husbands would be seen as human and not divine beings. There would be mutual respect between the partners and respect wouldn’t mean putting the man on a pedestal or worshipping the ground he walks on or constantly being at his service. The men would be as accountable to do home chores as much as the woman and caring for his off-springs wouldn’t be termed baby sitting, but nurturing, and looked at as an integral part of his paternal duties.

3. Menstruation wouldn’t be a Taboo!

Menstruating women wouldn’t be seen as impure or inauspicious but as people going through a very natural phenomenon that is the reason for humanity’s existence! Women would be allowed to go about their normal life and not be boycotted or shamed for something that is nobody’s business other than the person going through it.

4. Independent women 

Women wouldn’t be seen as a burden or a responsibility that is transferred from one male authority to another. Women would be educated and made financially independent and not conditioned to feel dependent on a man for her existence. This financial independence would lead  her to live life on her own terms rather than being a puppet at someone else’s hands. 

Image source: Ideas.ted.com

5. No gender norms

Men wouldn’t have to be breadwinners and women wouldn’t have to be caretakers by default. House-husbands would as much be acceptable as house-wives and men wouldn’t consider it a threat to their ‘masculinity’ to have their wife earn while they choose to be a stay at home father/husband. 

These are some excerpts from the world of my dreams, where all genders coexist in harmony and nobody is above or below and everyone has the freedom to be their own person without being pressurized to abide by a set of norms thrusted upon them since birth. 

A Start in the Right Direction

I was always passionate about writing but I was fairly oblivious about the possibility of making it a career. After falling prey to conventions and  dabbling in multiple areas like psychology and pure sciences, I realized that it was writing that truly made my heart happy. There was absolutely nothing that gave me a sense of satisfaction or accomplishment like writing.  As Paulo Coelho's famous saying goes, '' 

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”  - Paulo Coelho. 

I believe that me joining this course was the result of the universe conspiring. I had set foot into the content writing space very abruptly, showing up in a very impromptu manner for an interview and getting selected for a job that I had no clue about. Working there was my first brush with professional writing. I did gather some valuable pearls of wisdom through my experience, but there was a lot of questions still lingering  in my mind. 

A month ago, I decided to do freelancing and registered for some content writing sites. I had the drive in me but what was lacking was that nudge in the right direction. This workshop did exactly that for me; it gave me direction. When Rumi said, what you seek is seeking you, he was right. 

I would always regard Content Vidya's Uma Madhavi as my first mentor in this field. I was hit with a terrible writer's block for a long time and whenever I sat to write, I would begin over-scrutinizing every word and feeling dejected in the process and finally giving up altogether. When Uma Madhavi ma'am said that the best way to take the pressure off and write authentically is to imagine that you are writing for a particular person and not an audience, It really echoed with me. 

This course encapsulated everything I needed to know about content writing ranging from the basics like the process, the different styles and categories of writing. I also got familiarized with the important tools and strategies. I was introduced to the world of copywriting and various other career options within the field. Even though there were only 5 sessions, they were all charted really well encompassing all the important topics.

Through this course, I also got to know myself better, by discovering my niche. I also learnt valuable blogging lessons and how make money out of my writing skills. 

The biggest highlight of this course was the assignments after each session, which encouraged us to put our learnings into practice and apply all of what we learnt from time to time. The course design is worthy of appreciation for its fine attention to detail and its precision and lucidity. 

Last but not the least, I thank Uma Madhavi ma'am whose exceptional skills and experience in the field reflected in her sessions. Her wisdom and  drive has definitely rubbed off on me and given me an all new motivation to delve deeper into the field and make a mark of my own. Thank you ma'am. :)

''A journey of a thousand miles begins with a step''- Chinese Proverb. 

To My Earphones, with love!

Tangled, you untangle life

When rock bottom hits

When despair is rife

When drowning in sorrow

Like there's no tomorrow

You shut out the chatter

That'd turn me mad hatter

When the world is daunting

When my demons come haunting

When fighting rough seas

You canoe me through with ease 

When feeling unnerved

You inject a new verve


When overwhelmed with clutter

When the voices stutter


When shit hits the ceiling

You imbue a happy feeling

You seem like my 4 am friend

My appreciation for you never seems to end!

Presence: A present

My best friend lost her parents to a car crash a few months back. They were in Delhi for a tour and were on their way to see the Taj. It was May 2nd and I was gearing up for my first day at work. At around 7 am, I get a call from my friend, who was in Goa saying that the car in which her parents and sisters were traveling met with an accident. Her voice is shaking and she is quite evidently crying. I console her saying that it might be a minor accident and tell her to be brave. At work, I get a text from her saying that her parents are no more!

 I'm dumbstruck! I have no clue how to react. Never in my life have I encountered a situation like this. I and she have only shared happy times together. I had no courage to face her in a situation like this. But nevertheless, I immediately call her up, but quite expectantly,  words betray me.
What does one say to somebody who has lost her parents? Do you console them? But, what in the world can console somebody who has been entrenched in a tragedy like this? I have always been a person of few words, and especially in uncomfortable situations like this, I go blank.

I tell her that I will be there in no time. She calls me up time and again asking me to come soon. As soon as I see her, I wrap her in an embrace and both of us are overcome by tears. I have no courage to make conversation. My parents do all the talking, asking about the eerie details of the mishap to her brother as I sit beside her, holding her hands. She was flooded with visitors and calls and messages and I see her recounting every minute detail of what happened for the nth time. Pretty insensitive of people to ask, but I realize that no-one quite knows what to say and therefore asks the usual to fill the uncomfortable silence.

When the visitors leave and we're alone in the room, we share moments of silence. pretty unusual for both of us. Then she begins to talk. She goes on and I listen, I look deeply into her eyes, assuring her that I'm listening. She talks about the mishap, about the trip, about her mom, about the last time she called. I listen intently, shaking my head, holding her hands in silence. She longingly stares at their pictures.

At that moment, something strikes me. I realize that there is absolutely NOTHING one could say that could help contain the grief of the loss of the most important people in your life. All that you could do is make them feel that they aren't ALONE and that you are there to hold their hands as they go through this. I did exactly that.

We were staying at her distant relative's place. We are having lunch. I observe how the owner of the house speaks to her. She is talking very practical things like insurance and the future and asking very practical questions and talking very casually, unlike others who were showing sympathy and being melancholic. I observe that my friend is responding very positively to that. I decide to take that route of conversation.


From then on, we speak the most casual things, like on any other day, and I observe that for the time being, this is the best way to deal with what has transpired.

I accompany her to her hometown for the final rites. We reach the day before the funeral. I be beside her throughout. Sometimes silently holding her and at other times, letting her vent. I let her be herself, rather than directing her on how to process her grief. I see a lot of well-meaning people talking absolutely insensitive things, like ''don't cry". '' You need to be strong", ''If you break down, what will be the plight of your siblings''?. I feel irritated and I can sense her irritation too. She has lost her parents for heaven's sake, and she has all the right to cry, break down and choose how she wants to deal with it.

I see her being stoic and showing no emotion and whisper saying that it's okay if she wants to let loose and cry and that she doesn't really have to forcibly hold it all in.

Now, it has been almost a year since the fateful day. She is coping well and being an exemplar of resilience! My admiration for her has skyrocketed.

Even today, she calls me up and says how I was never just a fair-weather friend and was being the ultimate sukh-dukh ke saathi. I too feel a sense of satisfaction that I did what I could for her at that time, which was gifting my presence, being a shoulder to cry on, letting her be herself and giving her the freedom to process her emotions the way she wants.

She doesn't recall any of the words that were spoken to her by people as she considered them empty and superficial, but she remembers that I was beside her every step of the way, all throughout, silently, making a bigger impact than what a million words could!

I'm sure, a lot of people have experienced what I went through. Not knowing what to speak in the face of a tragedy. I advise, that unless you know that you're saying the right thing, it is okay to show your care through silent gestures. But it isn't okay to throw around insensitive statements like,
'' Don't cry'', or ''It's Okay'' just because the silence is getting uncomfortable and you need to utter something.

Silences are awkward, but silence is better than empty words any day!

The Cocktail

The other day, my dad accidentally rammed his car against his shop. Thankfully, there were no fatalities. The shop was closed, he was unwell and asleep in the car. The car galloped ahead as soon as he started it and rammed against the shutter. My dad was caught unaware. He didn't have the slightest clue how the whole event transpired and he still doesn't know how it happened. Oftentimes, there are people standing right in-front of the shop during the closing time, the staffs and my mom as well. But on that particular day, that could have potentially turned fateful, lady luck decided to show up and saved us from a disaster. Disaster would be an understatement.

After this incident, i was thinking about the fragility of life. How our entire world could have come crashing down in no time. I get chills merely thinking about what could have happened. Events like these really make you appreciate all that you are blessed with. It did the job, at least for me. It served a clarion call for me to be more appreciating of the near-perfect life that i am blessed with. Not that i wasn't appreciating of it already. But yeah, it reminded me to not just be grateful, but also be careful of whatever blessings i have been bestowed upon by the creator. 

You don't realize what you have until it's gone. But sometimes, god being very kind gives us experiences that serve as a reminder of our blessings, without actually taking it away from us. I have had quite a few of them in the past many years. When my maternal uncle was battling for his life suffering from dengue, i realized the gift that life was. He almost had a date with death, only to be given a second chance at life. That period of uncertainty between life and death was one of the most trying experiences of my life. I started valuing my blood relations far more since that day. Even if your relatives can be a pest sometimes, blood is indeed thicker than water. You subconsciously care and are hugely concerned about their well-being. Early this month when i met this uncle the first time since his dengue episode, i was overcome with gratitude to see him hale and hearty. He'd just be walking around,or talking to somebody or doing absoulutely nothing, and I would continually look up and thank the heavens for giving him back to us, just like Tendulkar would after a century.

I was also reading Manisha Koirala's autobiography, where she spoke about surviving late stage ovarian cancer and being given another chance at life. She talks about how she began appreciating life far more, after the trying episode. All that she said about gratitude and living it up, i could relate to even though i haven't really gone through any major crisis, touchwood.

Major or not, i too have gone through my share of extended dark spells, spanning over years together, consuming the whole of my teenage. That difficult period has made me appreciate my life now. Now, sadness is a temporary visitor and happiness is a permanent roommate. Even when sadness arrives, i know it will leave soon, but earlier, it used to be that tenant who'd overstay and  simply refuse to leave, and happiness would be conspicuous by its  absence.

In a way i'm glad i went through something like that, even though it wasn't fun at all. But yeah i have learnt to find happiness in little things and i have realized that these little things are actually not that little. Life is largely made up of these little things and instead of waiting for that grand event of 'ultimate happiness', which is an illusion by the way, appreciate the mundane, everyday events, because, in the process of waiting for that perfect happiness, you'll realize that life has sprinted past, leaving you with nothing but regrets for not truly living your life.

So two things, gratefulness and appreciation are necessary ingredients in the cocktail of life. So, don't forget to add it in necessary proportions and don't forget to savour every sip, coz you won't be handed another one, if you mess this one up.

Ghar ki murgi dal barabar( The chicken at your home is as good as lentils)
Muttathe mullakku manam illa ( The jasmine in your yard is odourless)

These are two popular sayings in Hindi and Malayalam respectively, that talk about how we undervalue what we have. Make sure these adages don't hold true in your life, coz mind you, the Jasmine can always be replaced with periwinkles  and the chicken might actually fly away, and you'd have to actually make do with lentils. So nurture the chickens and water the jasmine before its too late ;)

Love, Harsha

Masturdate!

I'm glad that the time has come now that people are embracing their singularity  rather than being in a mad haste to be in relationships. Not so long ago, singularity was looked down upon, it was considered uncool but today single is the new sexy.

You find a lot of them happily flaunting their single status on social media, even the ones who apparently are in relationships!
It's a great time to be alive when people are open to not being defined by someone else and are comfortable in their individuality.

As a teen, I looked forward to that big moment happening when I too joined the bandwagon of relationships. But, more than that, I wanted to have an emotional companionship because during my teenage, I didn't have deep friendships and I was quite lonely.

I thought a relationship would magically overturn my world for good. But slowly I realized that the purpose of a relationship should never be to cover up your personal insecurities. Rather,  one must achieve a certain level of security, and then be in a romantic partnership.

Besides, everything comes with its share of good and bad. It's not always going to be roses and rainbows.

As I grew up to who I am today, my priorities began shifting. Now, a  relationship is not a necessity. It is just something that will happen if and when it has to happen and there is absolutely no hurry or compulsion to be in one.

I have meaningful emotional bonds, I have people I can call up and vent to, I have people with whom I can laugh with, have deep intellectual conversations with or even talk absolute bullshit with. I have people I am sure of having my back. That's everything I can ask for. A romantic relationship will only be the cherry on the cake.

Of course there are certain needs that only a relationship can fulfill. The intimacy is definitely something that is missing in my life and yes I do crave for physical affection especially because I am an extremely physical person. I love being hugged and kissed and even a mere affectionate touch means the world to me. (From the right people ofcourse )

I miss being romantically loved and more than that, I miss giving love!  My need to express love is sometimes greater that my need to  recieve it.

However, leaving that aside, I'm comfortable in my singularity, and I don't look down upon me for my relationship status. I don't feel something is amiss to be single nor do I feel compelled to get into a relationship.

I know my worth and I know I'm a woman of substance and got everything that it takes. The absensce of  a man doesn't affect the way I perceive myself anymore.

We all need to learn to "masturdate"
Okay, don't be startled. It is a slang for taking yourself out for movies, dinners, basically doing things alone, that you'd otherwise do with a partner.. Ahem.

It's basically Being self sufficient.

It is very important to shape our individualities and learn to be comfortable alone,  because it is only when you mend our relationship with ourselves that we can have mature relationships with others.

Love, Harsha.

Demand Respect!

Menstrual untouchability is a thing guys. A very prevalent thing. Inspite of all the progress we have made in every sphere of life, it's downright disgusting that things like these aren't a thing of the past yet.

I haven't been subjected to a lot of  discrimination as I have been living in a nuclear household and even though my mother tried to shove some of her age old ideologies upon me, i never paid heed.

But I remember being subjected to these unjust practices back in my home town. One morning, my maternal uncle was supposed to go to temple, and I was menstruating. Unaware of it, he came and pulled my cheeks.
My aunt, (his wife) disgruntedly pulled him away but it was "too late".

He was visibly upset and gave me a disappointed look. As a 12 year old, the impact it had on me was huge. I remember feeling embarrassed and unsettled and clueless on how to respond to his sudden transition from affection to dismay just because I was on my periods!

Even though I was forced to follow a lot of these regressive practices, I never believed in them. On growing up, I realized that these were highly misogynistic and degrading of women.

I gradually evolved to break every rule in the book when it came to menstrual practices. I have even committed the "heinous sin" of going to a temple while menstruating.

If any religion deems you impure because of a very natural biological process that you're going through, I don't feel the need to follow that religion. I'm sure no God would ever claim his creation impure or worthy of mistreatment in any form. If that is the case, I doubt the credibility of that God.

These practices have a psychological impact on a woman, it affects a women's self worth and dignity.

A lot of women happily follow these practices and encourage others as well to do so because this is what they have been witnessing since childhood and  consider it a normal part of womanhood to ever doubt it.
Changing deep seated mindsets is an utopian task. A lot others are forced to follow lead.

But I'm sure a lot of women like me think otherwise and refuse to bow down to age old backward societal practices.

Chage may not happen in a day, but we can definitely sow a seed by imparting the right knowledge to our fellow girls and boys and also refusing to feed these beliefs.

P. S: I am exhilarated by today's verdict allowing women to enter Sabarimala. Things won't change in a day, but I'm sure  these recent developments will prove beneficial in the larger scheme of things. It is indeed a revolutionary decision towards gender equality.

Love Harsha